There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
