Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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