just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like abortions should bother me more
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
