It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
