I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
