i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
