Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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