The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
