Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
