hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
