If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
