Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
