I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
