Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
