so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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