I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this just has baby written all over it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
