id be glad to
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
