If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
