I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
