if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
