you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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