Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
