Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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