Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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