I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
