That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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