Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
