her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
