U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
