whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
