your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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