just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
