Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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