It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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