Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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