why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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