The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
