Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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