sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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