I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
