the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
