A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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