Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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