This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
