i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
