I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
