just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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