dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
