I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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