your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
