last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
