WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I pour the whiskey from now on
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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